can you say cheesy?

i guess you can.

Closed Locked and Flooded

do you have the key?

coz as of right now, no one else gets in.

no picture today

i take pills that would give me a restful night.

or at least to force me to sleep on it.

i don't know if it's working.

but god i wish i didn't have to force myself to sleep just to try to forget you.

Because you know the worst thing about me and its ok

"Because she knows the worst thing about me and it's okay. 

You're free to love each other completely, totally. 

Just no fear.

So there's nothing you don't know about each other, and it's okay."

-Meet Joe Black

forget your head and listen

this is prolly going to be my longest post here on blogger. nothing concealed in between just a few lines or a paragraph. nothing that will let you decipher and think more about what it is i want said. i'll say it in as little words i could mash up, but i don't think it's going to be short.

for the past few weeks, i've always been asking for guidance. for something that could shed light on why i cannot go back there right away or why we cannot be together right now. if anything, i have been in my worst disposition yet. hence, this blog - an outpour of emotion that i never thought i could muster up. some were poetic, i myself was surprised, reading them again. and some other are plain and simple - with some sort of wrath underneath.

i didn't have a debriefing. you didn't give me one. i gave you a set of letters that would last you two weeks after my departure. no it wasn't enough for me that we talked about our separation everyday. i had to make you 15 letters from the first of september till it lasted you. to tell you how we're going to go about it. in the letters, i told you everything you have to know and understand about why God chose for us to be apart now. writing those, i thought i'd believe them myself. now, a month into it, i still can't understand. or maybe i do, but it hurts so much that i don't want to accept anything. i need a debriefing. we can't just cutoff all the strings.

it wasn't until today that i got something. that the light actually poured out of the open space and shed it on me. on a quiet minute i shared with myself today, i stared out in an empty SJ walk at 7:30 in the evening, waiting for my last class to start. my lone time, maximized - my only lone time in a week. tried hard as i might to concentrate on what i was reading, i wasn't in the mood for it. nothing was sinking in. even if i've read the same line five times over. i looked around and glanced at the time. my Laker baller band said heart.

If you walk out on me, I'm walking after you.

snowday today

are you just going to wait? of course i am.

 as far as i can go, i'll go there.

it's how far we go. we fight and move forward.

love is not everything.

but it's definitely something.

as far as i can go, i'll go there.