tragedy is essential to a writer's feed.

inspired by an article sent to me by beat.

when i was younger i grew up with a group of friends whose constant troublemaking made the teachers in my alma mater go back to the hand book and revise it coz what we just did was never thought of, was never there.

my partner in crime then was Ivan Padilla. in recent news stories and forums, people would speak of hate, while others would speak of how they all look up to him. only a few knew him, but that select few love him very much.

we were together for some of it, most of it when we were younger. we failed a lot. we never followed the rules. we never did anything that was supposed to be done according to the handbook. we never said "ok we'll stop" when they wanted us to.

we never did anything to make the day of our teachers better. we had fun sharing the best childhood of our lives making fun of people, getting into trouble and more. up until my high school years i was the best friend of the discipline coordinator.

today, i live with the memory of ivan in his family and the people who have known him in the 23 years he lived. today, if i'm keeping check, a lot of what i've done includes sending 200 kids to school, some to conferences and others to the same university i'm in. today, i am the College President.

this is to those who failed once, who got into trouble more than that, and who those who are deprived of second chances. because we all deserve it.

Where and who i am today is my middle finger raised to the people who say that troublemakers should never be given a second chance.

Thugz Mansion

when i was younger, i had a partner in crime.

we were 11 years old and crazy when we met.

we had the chance to make fun of people and bully them coz it was fun for us to intimidate people back then. i guess it still is up til today. back then we'd get into all kinds of trouble but mostly it's because of the rush that we get from things, that's all. the rush of not getting caught or whenever we did get caught, we were the cool people who are above the law.

i couldn't put into words the exact accounts of our childhood but it's that even if we spelled trouble all the time, we had each other's back. we were eleven when we went to the mall on our own from school for the first time ever. we rode a cab from CSA, paid 30 pesos although it was 25 on the meter. in front of Dusit Hotel, by Quad. it's funny recalling that now, coz our fun then was spelled out by Burger King and that slight hint of freedom we had that day. It was awesome.

fifth grade and the crazy group of friends got bigger.
he had to leave CSA after fifth grade, as how most of our group had to leave. i was one of those who stayed, and i guess i found a different road, but not until freshman year in high school. i still represented fifth grade til freshman year. i guess it's hard to get rid of the badboys4life thing.

a few days ago he was shot by the police. they said he was a drug dealer and a carjacking gang leader. but even if that's true, nothing can change the way I've known him then and through the years.

ever since we were little, up til the day of his memorial, his little sister always introduced me as "best friend ni kuya nung bata sila."

sometimes we think it's unfair for these things to happen. well it is. but at some point, we have to understand that it's part of God's plan. A lot of people think it's fair that he died. Some are happy.

What they don't know is that he's a father, a brother, a lover, a friend, a son, a grandson.

And to those people who love him as that and much more, it matters.

my brother's death should stand for something

when he left us on August 2, 2010. It would be the start of something bigger.

Rest in peace, my brother. i love and miss you everyday.

i'll say it just this one time

you're lucky i'm even here, bitches.

i just had the misfortune of being critiqued by you.

From a letter you've read once before

it still hurts thinking about it 

but at least we have good memories together.

i just want to get rid of the feeling of wanting to be with you.

i love you. from seven thousand miles away.

and that's a fact

i guess i will always love you.

can you say cheesy?

i guess you can.

Closed Locked and Flooded

do you have the key?

coz as of right now, no one else gets in.