Waiting

this is it. this is the time we havent spent together, taking its toll.
this is the because they cant know.
this is everything.

and this becomes the 3 weeks that we havent seen each other.
and it becomes every night of being wide awake.
and becomes a series of thoughts.
and then we are reduced to you and me, and nothing.

this is it.
this is fear taking over faith.

Where we started from

There are those days when you want to give up and just erase everything.
Go back to square one, as though nothing happened.

That's today for me, and yesterday, and the day before that.

But when I think of how it all started,
and how it could have a future that's so ideal and perfect,
i jump right back up, tell myself it's okay.

And if it doesnt, then at the least i tried.
It's always going to be about the trying - and failing over and over.
But ultimately, at least at one point, i'll stop failing.
And then i know that everything was worth it.

Pitch Black Madness

You get me on my best days and you make sense on my worst.

Too Soon

I missed you today and the 21 years before i met you.
of course, i ripped that off. i was never a genius with words.

i wish we could have had this when we were older.
and when i could say that i can stand on my own two feet.
so that i could be with you. and keep you.

it might have happened too soon.
but it happened, still.
and that's all there is to it.

First Day of Backtracks

Inbox. July 7th. "i always want to be next to you.
i wish it could be easy for me and you."

it always scares the shit out of me, thinking of the day i have to leave you.
but there are things that we have to do even if we dont want to do them.
to stay or go is not a choice, it's a predestined circumstance
- we chose to be together; that was the choice that we had to make.
and because we cant turn back, we have to figure it out.